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To Hold it All

by Kim Albert

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luc Potvin
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J. GIGUERE
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about

To Hold it All was written in February 2021, shortly after a friend of mine, Stephanie Hamilton, passed away from cancer at the age of 45, leaving behind her beloved life long partner; David, her two children; Owen and Tristan, and all the people who knew and loved her.

That same cancer took my mother's life, twenty five years ago today, on August 8th, 1998. She was 38. I (am) was grieving my friend who passed away, but also (feel) felt so helpless thinking about how her kids will too, have to grow up in this world without their mother. Words can not describe how lonely, painful, cruel and absurd that is.

This layer of grief brought me back to my experience navigating life with such loss. I began to question about; how we think about grief, about the language we use around grief and how harmful, however well intended, it often is. I began to wonder about; what it means to hold each other's grief, about what it would look like to live in a world where we do this more truthfully and of its impact, individually and collectively.

A week after Stephanie's death, I went for a walk on Memphremagog's Lake, a place she loved dearly. I witnessed one of the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen. I was overwhelmed with grief and beauty.

All my life I've been told that it would get better, that my grief would pass. All my life I thought there must be something wrong with me because of the ache in my heart. I am 33 years old now and still processing the death of my mother.

Writing this song helped me come to terms with the fact that love and loss, beauty and pain are intertwined -- sides of the same coin; that grief is not something to be gotten over but rather something with which one learns to coexist.

I'm so grateful for my friends & musicians whom I've made this with, and for the way they have held space in which this happened. Their presence, hearts and contribution is immense. I think this music is full of hope and light and I'm really proud of it.

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lyrics

I was walking by the water
Played it over in my head
No matter how I thought about it
Still it don’t make any sense
I was thinking of your children
And this world we’re giving them
I know they will miss their mother
The same way I’ve been missing mine

When the grief takes over
I try to remember
That love is greater
Than anything
When the light gets darker
And I can’t find my way
I go walking by water
To watch the sun sets on the lake

I was taken by the beauty
Of the colours in the sky
And the birds they flew above me
Disappeared into the light
As if there for me to see
Something to be recognized
We are here for just a moment
There is so much to this life

When the grief takes over
I try to remember
That love is greater
Than anything
When the light gets darker
And I can’t find my way
I go walking by water
To watch the sun sets on the lake

I wish I could say, my dear
That it gets easier with time
Truth is I am only learning
How to hold it all at once

credits

released August 7, 2023
Music and lyrics written by Kim Albert
Acoustic guitar - Kim Albert
Baritone guitar - Philippe Girard
Second acoustic guitar - Rémi Giguère
Piano & organ - Cédric Dind-Lavoie
Drums - Maude Bastien
Bass - Eli Davidovici
Recorded and mixed by Rémi Giguère at Wild Studio in Saint-Zénon, QC Mastered by Jean-Philippe Villemure
Co-produced with Philippe Girard
Art by Marie-Eve Boulanger

We would like to acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the arts through the making of this project.

THANK YOU

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Kim Albert Montreal, Québec

Kim Albert is a Canadian singer songwriter. Marked by the untimely loss of her mother at the age of eight, her haunting, pared-down folk songs are steeped in love and loss. She crafts music as mindful meditation in a daily practice of acceptance, self-exploration and forgiveness. The result is a personal, revealing interpretation of the fallibility and wonders of what makes us human. ... more

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